What is it about confident people that makes them so sexy?
It definitely isn't the fact that they're more likely to be in your face, telling us all about their latest and greatest exploits. Being overbearing or arrogant sexy. Yet the two always seem to come packaged up together. It seems like a paradox, but is it?
It might not be if people who are arrogant are, in fact, not actually confident deep down. Perhaps all the arrogance and the fake confidence is a foil designed to hide a brittle sense of self-worth. And maybe that's why this type of so-called "confidence" doesn't work.
It's not so much the confidence itself that is important. It's the other behaviors that confidence encourages. And it's these things, not the outward demonstration of confidence itself, that makes people sexy.
They Are Relaxing
People who are confident feel more relaxed. They're not usually wracked by issues of self-doubt or depression. As a result, they don't feel the need to act out their discomfort or go into themselves.
This means that being around them is also relaxing. Their relaxation is infectious. We know that when we are around confident people, we're less likely to encounter problematic relational issues.
Confident people must have some trick up their sleeve. Perhaps they've been to therapy, meditated or watched the right psychiatry videos.
Whatever the reason, they seem to be more independent that most other people. Why is that? It's probably because they don't feel the need to create dependencies to maintain their sense of worth. They don't need to be constantly patted on the back or affirmed because they already like themselves anyway. And this means that the people around them don't have to manage them - they get to be authentic. It's hard being honest around a person who doesn't have much confidence because you never know whether you're going to say the wrong thing.
Confident people aren't afraid to take the lead because they trust their own judgment. They don't look to defer to other people. And so it's always clear what it is that they want. That means you don't get bogged down in guessing games about what it is that a person really does want. And that, in turn, means you get to preserve your energy for the things that really are fun and enjoyable in the relationship.
They Bring Out Confidence In Others
Confidence breeds confidence. And nowhere is that more evident than when you're around a confident person. As humans we can't help but take cues from the people we spend a lot of time with. Mirror neurons in our brain start firing every time a confident person in our lives does something that we admire.
They'll Challenge You
Nothing is worse than being with a person who doesn't challenge you. You ultimately end up resenting them for not holding you to account. But confident people aren't afraid to point out when you haven't attained your own professed standards. And this means you're more likely to respect and admire them over the long term.